"Did you know?"

 

I wish as I write this I could say that I never gossiped.  Oh, the nasty, nasty delight of being able to tell something so interesting about another seems to be something humans love to do.  How many times have you shared a 'bit' of information that did not have to be shared or even should have been shared?

None of us would own that we are gossips. Or that we delighted in the telling of the 'story'.  Both men and women are equally guilty of this horrible trait.  I have sat in restaurants, coffee shops, air ports and I have discovered that the conversations that take place around me are people talking about other people. Often it is a critique of a job, a marriage, a 'friendship'.   "Did you know....?" seems to be an easy and seeming innocent intro to the path of talking poorly of another.   "I just found out...." is another opening.  "I have been thinking ...." or " I just want you know that...." generally leads to one spewing a negative about another.  Can you relate?  What was your last conversation about?

In this journey of 'aging' I am discovering that opinions that differ from mine are fodder for gossip.  Fear of things not going my way is another base for me to speak poorly of another.  Control probably could be lumped into that last sentence but my need for life to go my way, on my terms, in my time will loosen my tongue and reveal my heart. 

As a Christ follower I wish I could say that I always took my frustrations to Him and ran them over His grid of fairness and grace.  I wish I could say that I was willing to bring my fears of life not going my way to Him instead of trying make situations go in my direction via manipulation or demands.  I wish I could say that I trusted Him to make things right in relational issues.  But I can't.  

What I can say as I end today's reflections is that I am working on this nasty trait.   I so do not want to be known by negative, critical words that are fueled from my heart. 

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Psalm 19:14

Change of Location

It is Easter a.m.  I should be getting ready for church.  This is always a Sunday that I delight in.  The celebration of all that makes Christianity unique is honored on this day.  Easter separates Christianity from all religions.  The one we follow died but rose again.  The one we follow does not require that I make myself right before He accepts me.  He made everything right on Good Friday.  He paid for my sins.  The best part is that I can do nothing for Him to love me more.  I just accepted His payment gift for my sins and I now seek to love and to serve Him as He has blessed me.

After Good Friday, One Messy Saturday (http://claudssixtyfifthyear.blogspot.com/2016/03/one-messy-saturday.html) yesterdays post, I come to this day.  The day that changed the world and will continue to change the world.

Today many will walk through the doors of our church or a church.  Many who never come any other time but do so for many reasons.  Why?  Tradition perhaps. However, tradition never satisfies the need of a savior.  Religion? Religion is mans attempt to define a god.  Acts of contrition, of kindness or anything does not get one to heaven. Even showing up at a church today does not make a bit of difference. 

My hope and prayer is that on this celebration day the seeker, the questioner, the skeptic will pause and ask why Jesus?  Then begin to figure out the why? To the skeptic I say do your own investigative research.  I will never convince you.

God says: "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah (Bible) 29:13.

I do not tout a religion.  I do fellowship and worship with other Christ followers.  They are less than perfect as am I.  However, we do life together in a world that is not embracing to us.  We are humbly grateful that the one we worship, is alive, active in our lives and apart from Him we are a doomed, mess.

Check out Jesus!   You will never be the same. 

 

One Messy Saturday!

This morning I was laying in bed thinking about what Saturday must have been like in Jerusalem the day following Good Friday.  Random thoughts raced through my brain.  I was in a world that was reeling from the aftermath of the most horrible act known to man kind. It wasn't just a killing that took place.  It was God making Himself known to mankind and speaking to the world!

Yesterday, because of social media the whole Good Friday message was made known to the world.  Even if your friends and people did not care or know about it, they knew this was a day of focus for Christians.  Believers were somber and reflective, non-believers were 'what ever'.

Biblical accounts of Good Friday are consistent with history.  The Bible is a history book.  The account of the Crucifixion and other noted activities were also documented by historians of the time. These other activities are often over looked by the horrific unjust crucifixion. However, these other events are not to be ignored or overlooked.

*The earth was black from noon to 3 p.m. 
*There was a terrible earthquake.
*Tombs and graves were opened up (not all tombs and graves).
*Then within the Temple the Holy Place where the Jews worshiped and God met the High Priest once a year, at Passover, to accept sacrifices for the sins of man, the veil was torn from top to bottom.   Humanly impossible to do!

This last fact was staggering.  Just visualize this curtain!

The veil was:
60 feet high 
30 feet wide 
the width of the curtain/veil a hand breadth (about 4")
It was woven and very heavy.    Historians say that it took 300 priests to move it due its size and weight.  

Okay those are the 'other' things that happened on Friday.

What do you do about clean up.  FEMA did not exist! Nothing could be done until Sunday, that was the law of the land.   Saturday/Sabbath for the Jews was a day of rest and work was not allowed.  What do you do with the rubble, the injured, the missing, the mess? What if your house was one that was damaged?  What if your preparations for the Sabbath had been undone or destroyed in the quake?                                            

The Temple.  A beautiful structure that was the center of everything within Jerusalem had been rearranged by its owner and designer, God.   It is a mess in more ways than one.  The Veil, the Sacred Curtain that separated man from God was destroyed. Because the Messiah and Savior had come.  People could look into that place of awe and of mystery.  What does all of this mean?  Who could have torn this down?  Confusion must have been reigning. 

If this happened yesterday in our time and culture the news would have been Tweeted, News Coverage be it CNN or Fox would be running footage of the disaster. Head lines and Tweets would read:
#Friday's crucifixion caused riots
#Roman police pulled into the fray of Crucifixion
#Unexplained black out
#Scary Friday
#Astronomers trying to figure out why everything went black from noon to three
#Chaos
#3 hours of pure fear
#Earthquake
#Creepy, graves opened up
#Help needed Jerusalem is a mess
#Homes crumbled

A SIGN AT THE TEMPLE GATE. בית סגור    Temple Closed until further notice!

God spoke through out this crucifixion process.  The Old Testament prophecies this event.  God made Himself known through His son, Jesus. 

The thief on the cross saw that Jesus was more than a mere man.  He made Jesus his Lord and Savior.   The Roman Centurion noted that Jesus was no mere man.  God spoke through His creation and no one could ignore that this death, this day was beyond ordinary. 

This messy Saturday was in the face of everyone.  What do you do with man who claimed to be the Messiah, the I AM, God?  What do you when all natures revolts because one man has been crucified?

Sunday brings another set of issues for the people to face, but today, Saturday is a real mess.




 

 

What makes a Good Friday?

I love chocolate bunnies.  I even love Peeps.  I am also known to love a new item of clothing! I love the anticipation of spring (I live in IL that season is truly up for debate as to whether it truly does exist.).  Easter seems to be the 'holiday' that marks all of these external things in our lives. It is fun, it is festive it seems to embrace all things fresh and new.
 

You can run with the Easter 'stuff' but a Good Friday?  If you come from a Christian tradition you know that Good Friday is the day that Jesus Christ  was crucified!   Killed with the intent that He would be forever removed from the religious scene.  He was such a threat that Rome had guards watching every excruciating moment from the trial to the burial. They even took seriously  His words that He would rise again seriously and placed guards at his tomb.   He was a real live human being.    Even if you do not come from a Christian tradition the television programs and movies continue to focus on this point in history.   His death was a bloody, barbaric and inhumane, torturous event.  HE still just does not go away!

How could such a bloody brutal day be 'good'?  We cringe as we see ISIS inflict crucifixions.  It is told, that of all deaths it is the most horrific and barbaric. 

Why did Jesus die like this?   Because I sinned, you sinned, we all do stuff that keep us from knowing a Holy God.  As humans we feel the need for justice when life has wronged us.  God was wronged and justice must be paid to Him for us to be right with Him.   He understood that apart from Him this could not happen.  The justice payment was so high that He alone could make the payment.   The payment was the death of Jesus (God in human form) to pay the penalty for our sin.  His creation, our sins, His terms of payment.

He created us.  He makes the rules.  He loves us and for some crazy reason desires a relationship with us.  We messed up and He decided to fix the mess.  We call it Good Friday. 

Each of us has to decide what we are going to do with Him.  What are we going to do with this day called Good Friday when the payment was made for all of the horrible, bad things that transpire in this world?  Our horrible bad things are included.  If not Him then who will exact justice and payment?

Christianity is anything but popular these days. Jesus is still a threat to religious groups and atheists.  He is a threat to those who disdain any deity or power higher than man himself. His very name evokes hate.  If He he is not God and does not still exist then why such a visceral reaction?  He just won't go away!  He can't be forced out or away!  He is God!

On Good Friday the Jesus factor was an attempt by evil man to eliminate a Holy man.  On Easter we discovered that God made known to mankind that evil would be over come. 

Do not take my word for it. Do not just go with the Easter flow of a holiday to eat your peeps and chocolate.   Seek out the truth, study who Jesus really is/was and then decide what you are going to do with Him.  IF HE truly is God and you walk away then you have left a lot on the line, your eternity with out Him.  

Jesus's words to us.    "The thief  (satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John (Bible 10:10)

Seeking God.

If you have been following this weeks crazy blog of me unpacking our retreat Matters of The Heart,  I know the sensational parts of evil and death pull us in.  This journey was real life, real time stuff and I am in the middle of it.  But it wasn't the essence of the retreat.

Today's blog is the sweet God movement, middle of the week, blessing thread that made the week spectacular.  It is the reason the retreat was scheduled.  It is the purpose behind the title.  It is the whipped cream and cherry piece of the sundae! 

Yesterday's blog was a confession of me wanting to jump off the responsibility wagon and 'rest my weary body'.  I still smile that my plans were deliberately thwarted by The Lord.  He was gentle in His nudging me into obedience.  He knew my stress threshold was high.  He knew it all.  I was to be obedient and in turn He delighted me with the outcomes.  Yes, the Lord does speak and direct our steps!

Thursday evening we had a concert scheduled with Damaris Carbaugh.   She came with us to teach and to sing. Such a delightful and wise lady!  During the week we encouraged our attendees to invite people to join us for a night of praise and worship.  Millie and her cohorts hit the deck running.  Wow...   God was moving.  Deborah in her delightful massage time, invited her therapist.  The room was filled! Word of mouth is the best PR around.    (http://damariscarbaugh.com/kind-words/)
The conference room doors open. Our retreat guests file in.  The invited guests also enter. What delight!  Significant is the list below.

Lana. My Sky Chapel visitor.  She knew no one.  She came and took a front row seat. She beamed and she cried.
David - the man whose life was to end the following evening. He took a front row seat. It was his last night on earth. He spent it in a concert that drew us all before The Lord.
The Beautiful Jamaican massage therapist - invited by Deborah. She never had time to worship while on the ship. She was thrilled and blessed.
The cruise staff musician. His story was that he had walked away from the Lord.  His only night off each week was Thursday.  Not a coincidence that on this night he was to return to Jesus.  He videoed the concert and wept. He was prayed with and sent back with a renewed desire to stay in communication with the Lord.
4 electric wheel chair guests who were cruising with an MS group. They squeezed in among the rows of chairs.
A couple of unidentified participants.  They slipped in after we started and out as it was ending.

Coincidence?  Not!  These appointments were not by chance.  God met them in the middle of sea, on a ship.

I learned anew that God is working and continuing to draw people back to Himself.  He allows me and those who are His followers to invite others to join in the dance of salvation.

Our pain, our longing, our broken spirits are burdens we do not need to carry alone.  God is waiting for us to call out to Him.  He also has a community, a family here on this earth to help you walk the journey as well.  I was blessed over and over by such a family. 

"When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?"  Psalm 8:4 (Bible) 

"Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the LORD.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."    Isaiah 53:6-10 Bible

You can run but you can't hide from God.

As I begin today's blog I do so with a bit of chagrin and also a smile.  I continue my debrief from my cruise.  I am almost done unpacking my most interesting week.  Recounting the activities both the sad and the miraculous my head continues to spin.  This week was anything but normal given just one of my experiences.  Today's read is a bit wordy but since this is my 'avoid' the shrink process, the stories must be told.

I go back to Wednesday night of cruise week.  We had sailed from Jamaica leaving behind my high maintenance attendee. Who, remember, just happened to be a real witch.  I will own that I was relieved that she was no longer under our care.  I was exhausted for I did not sleep the night before, the emotions of these events drained me. There were still 59 other people that I was responsible for and they deserved my best.

Our schedule had been established  months before we sailed.   Each morning a slot for prayer in the beautiful Sky Light Chapel, located on deck 14, had been established.  The prayer time was set for 8:00 each morning, it was optional, but important at least for me to begin my day there.  Little did I realize 'who' really set up the schedule.

Wednesday night has come! I am so ready for a good nights sleep.   A couple ladies asked me if I would be up praying on Thursday a.m.   Exhausted and in over load and I made a 'snap' decision.  "No".  On this day I was going to sleep in. :)   God wouldn't mind, He knew what I had been through.  The chapel was open for prayer but Claudia was not going to be there.  My first 'get a clue' that things would go differently, should have been that I was asked if there would be prayer.  No one had done so on previous days. 

6:30 a.m. on Thursday,  I am so wide awake that I had to get up.  I readied my self for the day but I was still skipping prayer time.   I then decided I would go down to deck 3 where the beautiful dinning room was located, I had not indulged in a served up just for you breakfast all week. This is one of my favorite cruise treats.   

I would ask for a table for one!  I would seat myself with my back to the entry as to avoid eye contact with anyone!  I would enjoy a leisurely, well deserved breakfast served to me.  I would enjoy the linen table cloth, napkins and watching the ship sail through the water outside the window next to me.  I would then begin my day.  

I get on the elevator, dressed but still dazed.  The elevator door opens I exit.  I am on deck 5, the main promenade, not deck 3.  I am immediately met by one of my speakers who says "Good morning Claudia!  I was looking for you to go and pray."  I am nailed!  I will now admit the first words out of my mouth were "Shoot"! My next response was better.  "Okay, let me grab a cup of coffee and I will join you."  Chagrined but dutiful we head up to the pinnacle of the ship.

Our time of prayer was great and needed, truly needed.   As we were winding down, a lady comes in looking a bit frantic and out of breath.  I was ready to leave but God prompted to me ask her if she needed prayer.  As I am asking her if we could pray for her, my initial thoughts were 'Oh no Claudia, you do not need another problem'.  

She says with pure excitement "Do you know Jesus?"  Ouch...we were to be in this room. She bursts out with  " I had to come up here to pray and get away from Jezebel."  Thought: OH NO, not another situation of spiritual battles.  Is this lady nuts?

As her story unfolds we find that she has newly found relationship/faith in Jesus Christ.  Her Greek tradition did not have a place for a personal savior in her mothers eyes.  Jezebel was the code name for her mother, with whom she was traveling.  In true Greek mother fashion this trip had been fraught with guilt and tears over her daughters choice to make Jesus her Lord and Savior.  So many are trapped in religion and tradition missing that neither of these things will get you to heaven or give you the gift of knowing Jesus!

Her excitement to meet other Christ followers was contagious.  She could not believe how God had answered her prayer by finding us in the chapel.  "Ouch, again."

God had literally rearranged my sleeping plans, my breakfast plans, my schedule for this divine appointment.   He had  nudged one of my speakers to pray with me on this particular morning. I still ask,  "did I push the deck 5 button?".  This adventure was not mine on any level, it was The Lords.  This encounter is and was a divine appointment.   The story of this ladies life is still entwined with mine as she grows in her knowledge of The Lord.  This story continues.

 

Joy!

I have been looking forward to this blog post! As I have been unpacking the wild and crazy ride from my retreat Matters of The Heart with my posts,  I needed to bookend the beginning and ending. Why?  Because this retreat opened up a realm of the spiritual that was fraught with evil but it did not stay in that realm.  The adversary lost!




We live in a spiritual world.  Many do not want to admit they buy into one, but they are drawn into it whether or not they believe it. The current movie genres of the supernatural world, the dark evil world, the new TV shows covering the same,  horoscopes, superstitions, tarot cards and religions are all because man has a spiritual 'hole' that must be filled some way.  People who never pray, tend to do so when in crisis's.  Or, they turn to someone who they think has a 'god' connection to pray for them. Why?  Because we know deep down that there has to be something greater than ourselves.  You may not believe in God or Jesus but one day you will. It is all real folks!

I love bringing people along with me on adventures!!!  Those who know me well, know that adventures find me, always!  I love it more when my adventures draw me into a greater awareness of God, His creation, His character and His love for us. That was the prayer for over a year regarding this retreat.

I am delighted to share that God made Himself known on day one of our retreat!!  It was our first evening in the beautiful dinning room, with our first introduction to those who would be serving us all week long.  I knew my ladies by name and I was learning to know them by face.  Dinner was ending and my attention was drawn to a group of my ladies praying over a staff person.  Wow, that is not a normal scene, especially when we had just met each other.  I knew our purpose was spiritual but this was unique.  I was captivated! We all were!

Joseph was the waiter for one of our tables.  As he introduced himself to his new guests for the week, he did not seem well and very sad.  Owning this information is not protocol for the staff! They are to be up, happy and ready to serve the guests!  They work 10-12 hour days, 7 days a week.  Pretend to be happy and carefree, they must.  They are hired to serve! When you keep those details in mind this next account is even more a God movement.   Millie (one of the most delightful and encouraging ladies I have yet to meet) asks Joseph, their waiter if he is okay.

Meet Millie!

Here is Millie's account: "Okay, we were all dining, Ruth, Susan, Suzette and myself, our server Joseph introduced himself, I notice that that he was sad, I asked him, "are you okay?".  He said no!  He shared that he  suffers from high blood pressure and at the moment he had a terrible headache,  "Would you like me to pray for you?"  I offered without hesitation.  He agreed to let me pray! I told him "my Jesus can heal anything". The Holy Spirit quickened me to ask the next question,  "Joseph would you like to know this God that we serve?"    He quickly said "yes". I led him in the prayer, right there. He kneeled down on one knee and accepted Jesus as the one to forgive his sins and give him life eternal.  Hallelujah, he was so happy!! Joy filled him! His headache never came back  and from that day on he couldn't stop smiling. Whenever we saw him he would say no more headache and smiled." 

Another layer of this story was also unfolding.  Remember we are on day one.  Each of us are wearing name badges.  Rebecca is riding in the elevator and a staff person asked her why she was wearing this name tag/badge. She shared that there were about 60 ladies on  retreat cruise to learn more about Jesus.  His face lit up!  He shared that on Thursday evening at 11:45 p.m. those on the ship that were Christ followers met to have their worship time.  He gave her his information and invited us to join them for prayer and encouragement.  When I heard this I was humbled and tears welled up.  The sacrifice to worship and to pray, trumped rest and sleep.  How many of us would worship at 11:45 p.m. because it was the only time available?  How many of us have what I call 'convenient church'?  

Meet Rebecca on the right.  Dee Brestin on the left.

Drum roll!!!   A day or two later Rebecca gave to Joseph the information of the man leading the worship each week on the ship.  She encouraged him to find this group and begin to grow in his relationship with the living God.  Drum roll!!!  This man was Joseph boss!  Joseph's  boss would be available everyday to encourage and teach Joseph spiritual truths.  Accident?  No way.  A divine appointmet on all accounts.     I share this quote with you to ponder. 

"Coincidences are spiritual puns." — G. K. Chesterton

Expect the Unexpected

   

As I continue to unpack my journey on the Matters of The Heart Retreat Cruise, and I type the  name  and theme of our week, it seems so gentle, compelling and reflective.  The location of the retreat is in the Caribbean.  We travel together on a beautiful ship.   We are indulged by offerings of food served to us in a beautiful dinning room or food available on the run, sunshine, entertainment, our beds made each morning our cabins freshened up each night  and then we take out time to reflect upon our spiritual lives.  We meet new friends, we delight in catching up with old friends who joined us. This is how it should be!!  Adult summer camp only better!

This journey will be likened to peeling a very large onion one thin, sheer layer at a time.  Nothing of this journey was simple or straight forward.

To put an event like this together it takes at least a year of planning.  That is okay, that is what I do.  I enjoy doing these kinds of things!  The earlier you start the fewer glitches, right?  Not ;).

As we are approaching sail date, a friend who at the last minute decided that she should come on the retreat, for she needed spiritual refreshment and focus.  The cabins were sold out!  All cabins on the ship were booked.   There was one option and it was to share my cabin, a simple inside cabin, a no frills cabin.  She was fine with this option.  What she did not know was that there were no more cabins.  She invited another friend along,  they both purchased air fare  at a rate that could not be ignored!  First major snag, there was no place for this second friend.  No room on the ship!    Now what?

Pray.  That was my only option!  A cabin opening up was a long shot. (God doesn't make long shot statements, this one I own.).  So we went to prayer.  As this story unfolds we see that this snafu was God's idea.  I cannot describe in words the angst and the emotions I experienced as I tried to figure out a 'how to make this plan work'.  My back was to the wall. 

Two weeks and counting.  Another guest has to cancel her trip due to illness and surgery.  A cabin slot opens up.  Amazing!  God was opening up a berth.  Issues continue to pop up that stand in the way!  It just does not make sense!

1. My friend could not afford the cost of balcony cabin.  It was one of the nicest on the ship thus expensive.

2. The other guest  who was now without a cabin mate, was an older person, she did not answer her phone to be  asked if she would agree to a different cabin mate.  She had no email address, we were back to square one.  Why? Everything on paper looked so simple

One week to go before we sail.  After a great deal of effort and finally getting to communicate with our single guest, it was decided that my two friends would share my simple cabin.  I would take a risk and room with this person.   My thoughts were,"She signed up for a spiritual refreshing retreat, she is probably delightful." "This is a very expensive cabin. It has more room than most.   I am certain I can make it work."  "My schedule will be busy so I won't in the cabin much should this person not be to my liking" was my plan B.   My friends were both coming and I was going to be a 'big girl" willing to make a new friend.

Sail date.  Friend #1 came to me and said that friend #2 was claustrophobic!!!  Oh my,  the cabin she was going stay in during the week would be too much for her!!!!!   Oh my! We had not even sailed and I had an issue.  Ah Ha!  Claudia gets a brilliant idea!  Wrong, this was to be God's idea! I learned this later! 

I ask my friend #2 if she would be willing to take my place with the mystery guest?  I would just switch names once we got on board, the cost of the cabin would be covered under my name and it seemed like a win/win.   I knew my mystery attendee was older and I knew she was traveling alone. Neither were issues for my friend!! Miracle! My friend's liking and skill set is to work with older people.  She would get the cabin she previously could not afford.  She was delightfully willing.  Whew!  Issue resolved.

Sail date.  Before we sail, I meet the cabin mate.  Red flag #1 emerges.  She wanted a wheel chair.  Hmmm?  She had walked onto the ship.   She had walked to the desk where we met.  She had no one who would be 'wheeling her around', strange scenario.   There was no wheel chair available.  As she walks away I am thinking...why a wheel chair?

Red flag #2.  As she leaves me after requesting her wheelchair, she tells my friend that she is going to 'pray a white angel' around me instead of a dark one.  She needs to get near me for this to happen!!    My friend who has great insight into the spiritual realm, steers her away. My friend knows this is not good. I have moved on to my next set of issues at hand and do not learn of this until later in the evening.

Red flag #3.  We meet as a group for our first time, it was a wonderful teaching session.  We are excited and ready to embark on a grand week together.  Our 'guest'  is not part of our meeting but no one picked up on this. Our meetings were not mandatory and  she was traveling alone.  My friend goes to the cabin for a much  needed nights sleep.  Oops, it is not going to happen.  Her  new cabin mate is angry. No one came to get her and lashed out at my friend.  She proceeds to get ready for bed only she does not sleep.  She is up most of the night.  She has major body function issues, another scenario is unfolding quickly and it is not a good one.

Day Two- at Sea.   Her behavior is not improving.  My friend meets me in the a.m. looking less than happy or rested.   My friend shares with me many details that make me grateful God spared me this roommate.  I could not lead this group and care for this lady. God truly had rescued me and I realized this immediately. I am feeling quite bad that my friend drew the short straw and had to be the rescuer on my behalf. This lady should have never come on this trip!   What do we do next?

I get in touch with my company that sets up the cruises and they tell me to contact medical staff on the ship. It is imperative to have situations like this documented.   I do.  Uh Oh!!!  You can't just ask a question for general informational purposes and let it go.  They had to investigate.  I will shorten the story but they had her come down for a check up.

Have you ever had a child that was really ill, you take them to the doctor and they are fine?  Yep, she was fine.  She was coherent, her vitals stable she was ticked though at her friends that she thought had reported her.  (We did not know who they were.)  God was working.

Day Three- The next night was worse for my friend.  We port in Grand Cayman, our high maintenance guest,  stays on board  and my friend gets a reprieve.   What to do? This question hangs over all of our heads.  That evening after dinner, my friend  graciously gets her roommate to the cabin to sleep.  She now has a break and goes to play games with other ladies in our group.   She returns to her cabin after midnight to find her cabin mate missing.  Panic sets in! We know that our  lady is disoriented often.  We report to the ship that she is missing and security goes into full force.  It is 1:00 a.m.  Security comes out of places one never knew existed.  They take lost guests very seriously.   After a frantic ship search,  it is discovered she had called 911 and was taken to the medical facility. As the Group Leader I should have been contacted if one of my people goes to get medical help.  That did not happen.

There is no sleep on the ship that night for us.  My friend is told to come down at 6:30 a.m. for they were taking her to a hospital.  I step in "Hey, I am in charge.  I should be that person."  Security tells me I can't see her.  ????  I am to be in charge and no one is listening! 

Day Four - We have just ported in Jamaica.  The doctors arrange for an ambulance to take her off of the ship and get her a hospital.  Remember, I am in charge.  My company tells me that I am to go with her. I am in charge!  I am responsible for her!  Uh Oh!!  The ships security won't let me go, they won't even let me see her.    I am torn between two worlds.  In one world the instructions I am to follow are from my company.   The other world hold to the rules imposed by medical privacy laws. The ships  security team are tying my hands.  STRESS.   Travel agencies do not leave their customers alone in foreign countries.  The ship sails that evening with out her coming back on board and I am no longer responsible for her.  STRESS I have just lost a person under my watch.  Relieved that she is off my watch.

Okay you say  "Where is  God in all of this?"  Oh let me tell you!

1. I needed help and protection from this guest.  God arranged for my friend to make that happen.  He started by making a way to get her registered and on board a full ship at a price she could afford. Her claustrophobia allowed her to be moved to the most significant cabin on the ship that week for His purposes.  There are few people I know who have the skill set that my friend does for situations like this.

This lady had shared with my friend that she was a 3rd degree/level Wiccan. (White Witch. They can and do invoke spells on people. They worship the very adversary we reject as we choose to worship God the creator and savior they reject.)   Her desire to 'pray' a white angel over me was not a good thing, quite the opposite.  I was kept from her presence the rest of the trip, not by my doing but by The Lords.

2. The check up  from the previous day, where this lady seemed okay, gave the medical team enough documentation to release her for more help. I/we did not have to wait a couple more days to get her off of the ship and out from under our watch.

3. I did not share about all of the mishaps with prearranged documentation that upon arrival to the ship,  really caused some issues for me.   Messed up dining room seating assignments, messed up conference room assignments, were just a few issues that greeted me on day one.   Well, one more mess up kept my name off the Contact/Group Leader roster.  This was the best blessing of all!  Since my  name was not on this document, I could not go to the hospital or be with this lady.  God protected me from having to be in her presence.  The cruise line had someone to do that task and stay with her until she could travel home.

 My friend now gets a beautiful balcony cabin to call her own for the rest of the trip.  She needed a rest and hunkered in for some sleep and solitude, until our last day.

I will share this here, that it was her 'open' cabin on our last night of the cruise when the mother of our guest who died by falling off the ship, stayed.   God had brought this friend to help me in both of these situations.  Her personal life story prepared her for such a time as this and these two very hard situations.

Those first 48 hours seemed like a week. But awesome things were about to unfold.  As our adversary was busy trying to distract and defeat the blessings from The Lord.  Those issues did not stop lives to be transformed. :)

If you have made it this far into the story I am impressed.  Even rereading what I just wrote drains me. So many details that make this account even more intense have been left out but I leave you with this, God is in the details.  We do plan our ways and He DOES order our steps.

Teach Us To Number Our Days

Today's blog is a hard one for me to write.  I could go two directions.  Do I share the events of the tragic evening or take a philosophical approach on life?  My mind goes in both directions.  I am debriefing on this page and again my emotions are running in all imaginable directions.

I was in charge of a group who had just been notified that one of my people had just gone over board. His mother was now in my care on whole new level!  A mother who just watched her son disappear into the sea.  She tried to catch him as  he called for help.  I kept thinking, STOP,  People just do not go overboard on ships!  This is the kind of thing you read about in a tabloid headline, not experience up close and personal.  STOP,  this really cannot be happening.  I knew this person! 

The night was long.  David and his mom had come to our retreat because of Damaris Carbaugh's music and ministry. All week long they had been blessed by the music, the sessions and the conversations that ensue in a group setting.  David came with his mom on the heels of being in a rough spot in his life. Our week had proven to be one of sweet, peaceful times. It was a restorative time with his mom and I believe his God.  All had been so good.

The drama of the evening unfolded quickly and then slowly.  The den of the ship was somber almost immediately.  The ship changed course and returned to the area where David had fallen.  The search teams were vast and intense.  To watch something like a search and rescue in real life was eerie.  People stood by the deck watching for something.  It was pitch black, minus the search lights and the stars. I kept thinking where do you look, where do you begin to look?  The sea holds such power over our tiny bodies.

People all over the ship were found in groups praying.  We found our group, many who did not even know that it was our person who had fallen, with cabin doors ajar praying in huddled groups.  There was a group of high school seniors on board who too were huddled in groups praying.  God truly was a known intently this night.  As I reflect back, I realize that makes Himself known in these times for there is no other hope or help apart from Him. 

This long somber night was framed with Damaris, Rod (the awesome husband of Damaris)  and Diane caring for this in shock, wounded mother in a cabin.  They prayed and comforted her.  They allowed her to talk.  Medical personal cared for this mother hoping to give her some sleep.   Damaris's music soothed this mothers troubled soul.  They prayed with her and listened. 

What do you do after a delightful weeks vacation finding that it ends with a tragic death?  What do you do when news like this is thrust into your world? You seek The Lord for all things! 

God was in the midst of all of this 'mess'.  The details would fill a book.  The peace given to me and the provisions of navigating this situation were amazing.  The security team, the FBI, the port authorities, those helping comfort the mourners within our group, the private car transporting us to the airport, where United Airlines took care of the hurting mom from check in to the landing back home were gifts that defy expectations. God carried us.  

I have been in contact most days with this mother. She shared that today is a family celebration of Davids life.  This will be a hard day, for loosing a child cannot be understood unless you have stood in those shoes.  I have. Loosing a child whose body will not be recovered to bury, adds to the pain. But I see God carrying this family just now.   The scripture above in the blue box, was shared with me by this mother.  She grasped that this was God's time to take her son home.  He is safe now and with the Lord.    

 The poem below was one David had penned when his grandmother died not too long ago.  His mother sent this to me a few days ago.  I share it now for it is a little window into the heart of this man.    He is now in the presence of Jesus, healed and whole.  His wounds from this world are healed and as scripture tells us.
"But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5 - Bible

 
I close with this thought and scripture.    

"Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts."  Psalm 90:12

When Nothing Makes Sense

Yesterday I surfaced into my blog after months of silence.  My life has never been a quite one.  Even as a little girl I thrived on activity and a longing for adventures.  As an avid reader I loved Anne of Green Gables and Pippi Longstockings.  Both of these characters lived outside the bounds of 'normal' day to day life. As a child I knew that there was more to life than living in Portland, Oregon and I wanted to know more about the world. I have moved beyond the adventure stories and real life has afforded me more adventures than most in my world.  This 65th year has been over the top with adventures one could never script. 

Of late my adventures I thought were decided by me and I asked God to bless them.  He dropped the job into my lap. The perfect job for me at this time of my life. I loved travel.  I loved travel that had meaning and purpose.  I enjoyed traveling with people and encouraging them to step outside of their boxes, to enjoy God's world.  I wanted people to see the real world not just a resort,  which is a pretend world and in each of these journeys I wanted them to experience God on a new level.

The end of February I set sail on a women's retreat cruise. It became the craziest and most emotionally charged adventure of my life to date.  The planning of the cruise took over a year.  I had planned many events over the years, conferences, work cruises, etc.  The planning came natural and I enjoyed it.  This retreat cruise was cut from a different pattern. This was to be my first cruise event with my new job, I was excited.

From day one I ran head long into bumps and road blocks.  Matters of The Heart was the theme.  The speakers were put into place and the planning started.  Out of no where I find out 'accidentally' that the cruise line had canceled the contract and filled the ship as a private venue.  Someone charters an entire cruise ship!  Who does that?  It takes 3000 to fill the ship!  Why my week?  

This decision puts everything on hold, big time.  I loose a speaker, as I had to change dates.  I loose time promoting the venue.  I was back to square one with a small window to work in.  God had different plans and I was about to be pulled into a faith adventure.

As the months progressed I encountered other hurdles.  Why?  Why? Why? I knew I was doing what I was supposed to do.  Why was this event so hard?

My next few blogs are going to be me unpacking this retreat journey.  The cruise ended with one of my charges falling over board from the ship, he was on deck 10!  It made national news.  His body was not recovered.  His mother, family and those of us traveling with him remain in shock.  Things like this happen in other peoples worlds, not mine, not ours.  A man we traveled with all week,  a man we dined with, worshiped with was gone in a split second.  Gone!

Tomorrow, I will begin unpacking the journey with the ending of the cruise. I will go full circle as I write.  Why the end instead of the beginning?  Our friends memorial service is tomorrow and I want to focus on the value of his life.   God knew from the beginning that on March 4th, on the Matters of Heart Cruise,  he would enter eternity.   He knew that those traveling with me were to be part of a bigger picture that has yet to be painted.

The entire week was packed with so many 'supernatural' chess moves that started before the ship ever sailed, that I must recount the story.  This blog may for me alone but write I must.   I do know lives were changed, friendships forged, worlds expanded because of this week and this last closing event of what seems like an untimely death.  God remains in control and He is moving in our world.

Choices

Today my head is swimming with the knowledge of people I love making bad choices.  They flee from wisdom, they spurn hearing truth and they blame everyone else for what they created.  

How do you wrestle with caring vs totally writing them off?  How do you show love with out enabling or rescuing them as they seemingly drown in their messes?  My head still swims with thoughts, desires, hopes or maybe even plans on how to rescue those who do not want to be rescued but desperately need it?  Everything human with in me says I should be able to work these things out.  I should, I could, maybe I can, are in part of my emotional 'fix it' kit.  But I can't! The brokenness is too great, too deep for any human to repair.

These questions and issues are so above my pay grade.  They fall into the realm of the supernatural where God alone is the source to which I must run and the source to which those I love must run as well.  

Today, as I desperately seek answers and I long for peace and rest for my spirit that is vexed, I have one option.  Prayer.  I must run with full abandonment to the only one who can fix any of us.  The Lord Jesus Christ. Those who try to fix life apart from Him,  keep falling back into traps that pull them deeper into their traps.  Oh, that soon those I love will learn and get help from the one who fixes our brokenness.